The Trials and Tribulations of a new Relationship. Ch. 1


Where do I begin? Funny, cause i already have a feeling on how I will end. Better yet, I have a feeling on how IT will end. So I know the ending, but the beginning is so far fetched. What am I talking about? I'm talking about this damned thing we call love. Yes, I have fallen under the trap of it. ME...a 21-year old, just turned non-virgin, with quite a jerk for a boyfriend..except when he's with me. It feels like everyone is looking in on this relationship and thinking the same thing that i fear. This nigga is gonna ruin her life. Eventually, he will find some other chick to fuck around with, and it'll be ova. Just that simple. Why do we see this? Cause every man imaginable has committed the same crimes; From my best friends' boyfriends to my own damned father. All of which are good examples of men who seem to be the ones to trust and yet they have failed. And now I, a youngin to the game of LOVE is now pulling her guard down to a Cocky-Cutie, who loves to play video games, watch basketball and football, have sex with many chicas, and smoke weed on the side. He is Not at all a God-fearing man, who condemns sex before marriage, and the abuse of drugs and alcohol.

Hot Damn. It sure as hell seems as if I'm doomed for failure. I mean, he doesn't even match up to what a "decent" idea of an available and willing boyfriend would be. And I'm almost certain that if we were just friends...I probably wouldn't be able to stand him, with the way he talks about girls like they are merely a conquest...sex vixens...and not at all human beings or friends that he could simply chill with. And yet, I have fallen. Deeply. So deeply that I'm so afraid of the end. Where do I begin is not at all important anymore. How it will end?..has taken its position in my head. And I'm scared. I'm so scared. And ..the funny thing is... I don't really think that I'm so scared for getting my heart broken. I mean, DAMN its gonna hurt badly. But I'm more scared about losing him and him losing me. Cause I FEEL that I am the best thing for him. Not because of anything that I may possess..like money or cars or anything like that. I know i'm the best for him because I care about him sooo much. And I love him so much, that I would do anything to see him happy. I'm afraid of the end, because I'm afraid of where he'll RETURN to if we end.

Sometimes I think of him like my favorite doggy Petey. Another funny, comparing my boyfriend to a dog! Well, when I was growing up, Petey was so bad with the outside world. Any strangers that would come to the door, immediately infuriated him! He would bark so ferociously and scratch at the window, and the door. I swear it felt that if i would let him go, he would try to kill any and every one. It was bad. But Petey wasn't ever that way with me. Sometimes we would get into our little fights, and he may growl or run away from me. But besides that, he was always loving. He would lie on my lap whenever I was watching tv. And when I had hard times at school, I would sit there....and rub his head....and I'd talk to him. Like he was my therapist or something! I would tell him about EVERYTHING, and complain about all the pretty girls, and the mean boys and how I wish I was one of the pretty girls who the mean boys liked. And as we all know, he was a dog...and he didn't care. He just liked being there because i rubbed his head. And he liked following me around because he knew that I was the one who took care of him. I fed him, walked him, and played with him. And he showed his affection and thanks to me...every single day. The way he was to me was the COMPLETE opposite of how he acted towards the strangers who came to the house.

In a small way, I find that my boyfriend is sort of like him. Only difference is is that he genuinely wants to hear what I say, he goes out of his way to make me happy. He has proven that he'll stick around for me when times are hard. And he tells me all the time how much he misses and Loves me. SO WEIRD! Cause before me...and to the outside world..he is not the same. Weird huh? So yeah, he is what I mentioned before, from the jerkiness to the smoking. BUT, he is only like that on the outside. To me, he is much different. And I feel so appreciated and loved by him. And its not like he has two faces, he just treats me differently. Its quite beautiful.

But still, insecurities arise. I am still afraid of losing him to someone or something else. And I fear the end and how badly it will turn out. All I know is that I love him, and I'll try to either ignore the future, or imagine it to be something a little more happier.