Maaaaad Excitement.

So I definetly lied to myself when i SAID i would take a year off from theater.
TADA! My old youth theater company invited me to audition for a festival that they are apart of. And thank God....its not children's theater! Wooo hooo!

Susan-Lori Parks...is the playwright. I think for most, they would recognize the play she did on Broadway a few years ago..."Topdog/Underdog". She is an African American writer, who has made quite a name for herself in the theater district. She started a project in 2002, where she wanted to write 365 plays in 365 days. Crazy huh? I'll fckn say. Anyways, she accomplished it. Made a book about it, and is now including 700 theaters to participate in her 365 plays festival. We'll be performing at TADA! and then we will be getting our asses in The Public Theater for one night!!! If you didn't know, the Public Theater is a very well-known off broadway theater, located I think in Astor Pl. I'm so psyched. Even with a little part, I find that this is where I belong. I'm planning on soaking up as much of the preparation and acting process as possible. I'm trying to create a great repore (spell? hello.) with as many theater people as I can. I've gotta grasp any of these opportunities I can and nip them in the butt (BUD? whichever is supposed to be right). I've got to get the headshots popping and i've gotta get the body moving, and I've just gotta work hard. I guess...i just can't stay away. I have a feeling that after this experience, i'm going to get back the taste of theater and only want to get into it even more.....

So although we only have a 30min time slot, i'm going to start researching and getting used to the taste of her words and the rhythm of her lines right away. One of the plays that I am interested in purchasing and reading is The Death of the Last Black Man in the Whole Entire world.
here is the link to the play cycle...woo hoo. http://www.365days365plays.com/
I'm so psyched. Good luck to all.

VA VA VOOM - Jennifer Holiday.

In theatre news, Ms. Holiday is back on stage in the original roll of effie in Dreamgirls. Its showing in atlanta. Some of the best well-known Black Broadway stars will be beside her. Although I can't go, you know i've got myself a list to research some of the careers of these stars. See link below. Not to mention the fabulous look that Jennifer seems to be sporting now....Diva's Never Die.

Playbill News:http://www.playbill.com/news/article/109619.html

With the horrible news of the cop's death after a tragic shooting in brooklyn, nyc seems to be coming together to tear down the suspected killers. Unfortunately, in Brooklyn..this tragedy takes a whole different kind of spin. This morning, alerted by my bf about his paranoia of police coming after all black men, opened my eyes to the possibility of more racially involved problems within the future. I guess it seems that a lot of black men, although feeling remorseful for the killed cop, can only suspect that the relationship between police and black men are no where near...getting better. This is hard to accept.

Even more so, mr. dumb bloomberg wants to start charging nyc'ers for coming into the city between 6am and 6pm. Like its not already incredibly difficult to live in nyc already. I'm still pissed at my overtime work getting cut by nyc taxes!! ughhh...so now bloomberg wants to add onto the trouble by charging $8! How ridiculous. As much as congestion is a problem in the city, i don't think its the MAIN problem for the city. NYC will be congested no matter what you do, and I disagree to charging NyC's citizens to enter into their own territory. Ughh...lets see what happens with this one.

Setting GOals?..making plans



So another day in the office...



Its friday and I have a whack-ass apartment that I have to attend to. Its great though, having anything to go home to is all I ever wanted. So i'll simply push myself into further debt by joining Ikea...



In other News...



Fantasia is making big statements on Bway these days..

She is extended with Color Purple till 2008! I think its time that this fellow theater gyal spends some money and go see this fabulous actress...I'm excited.



Even more, Fantasia is definetly rumored to be working on another play about the life of Ada (Bricktop) Smith, an African-American expatriate in Paris in the 1920s who became a nightlife queen. I figure that this will be cutting the rug on broadway for about 2009 or 2010, in which I will let you all know that this 25 year-old..named me..will be doing everything she can to be apart of that show. Let the games begin. I'm out for the kill!

"The Trying Times"

This week in the Trying Times we take a look at the trying times that friends could bring.

I'm grateful..Simply grateful. As much as it seems like I might be pulling myself..deep into a hole..because i'm trying to survive in the big city...

I thank God everyday..cause i'm still being blessed. Just landed myself a job interview at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I'm more than motivated to land that second job...I need it! I just laid down a deposit on a new apartment and i'm OH SO HAPPY TO HAVE A HOME...its too bad that I can't afford the second deposit right now..but i'm not going to stress over it anymore. I found myself on the train..unable to relax, unable to even take a regular subway nap..due to the constant buzzing in my brain over how i'm going to come up with an extra $600 for our deposit..when I still have other bills to pay, and I have to eat. Furthermore, my check this friday may just be grazing $400...how will it work out? I have no idea...but i'm done trying to kill myself over it. Its going to be alright...I hope! So this is the stressful life of NYC huh? When all i've got is a couple of dollars in my pocket to pay bills, eat, and travel to work. Even so, I look at the last couple of months and I'll say that I've come a long way. I've worked hard to figure things out..and although they aren't perfect, although i'm not doing theater right now, although my weight is at its worst right now, and although i'm so broke I hold on tightly to the pennies in my purse...I still feel like i'm on my way towards the kind of life that I've always dreamed. Focusing heavily on what I don't have...will not allow me to celebrate the fact that I do have another job possibility, and that I do have a roof over my head, and I do have a family that truly cares for me and will put out...Through it all..I'm still blessed.

though, what is probing me is the anguishing relationship that I am holding with my "best" friend and now to be roommate. Again, sitting on the train I was disturbed from my nap just feeling anngry. I don't understand her attitude towards me at all. And I have always been the person to admit that I am wrong. I have been the person to try to get people to feel better and to try to consolidate our relationship. I have done wrong things...but who hasn't? And how many people can say that they've outwardly admitted it and apologized? And even so, what i've done is not some outlandish thing like....sleeping with her boyfriend or stealing money. I would like to say that although i'm struggling...no one can say that I haven't been a good friend. But ya'll...THIS girl has got me thinking that I should just not give a shit about friends anymore.

I'm still trying to figure out what I did wrong..but I guess time will tell.

This weekend..I get to venture off to syracuse,ny to attend a wedding from my boyfriends family.
I'm not sure if I really want to hang out with all those weedheads..but I would give anything to get out of this stressful environment for a few days. I wish you all a safe weekend and I hope that this trip will be memorable...in a good way....no more memorable bad ways...i don't like that feeling.

Too Far Into it....


How deep is YOUR love?
Hello from NYC where I..."reside" or am attempting to "reside" which really means...where I am currently working and yet homeless all at the same time. Ladies and Gents here's to a new change for this blogger as she sets forth into the future to claim her stance upon the world.

Today, on this very morning sitting in my office assistant chair...having nothing to do but to cut the backs of hearts, dreaming about how I want my life to be, knowing that its so close...but yet very far out of my reach....i'm reminded that I have a ...love life? A boyfriend...almost a year of fighting and trouble....embarassment...sex...love...hate...suspicion...love..hugs..kisses..misses...break ups...unhappiness...unsureness(word?).....As july is here...I think of the one more month left we have to make it a year...and i wonder if i'll make it. I wonder if its worth it. I wonder if this is right for me. Still, after a year, i'm unsure. Normally I would say quit it...but..How deep is my love? So blinded from the fact that I could really be unhappy. But still...i push forward..hoping and wishing that love prevails. Of course I know, i need to do a lot more action than hoping and wishing.....Ha..a lot of action..thats funny..maybe i already do enough of that....
So here it comes to....the story of the day. This is what all my babbling has resulted in...the story of the weekend. Lets put it in as short simple terms as possible.
Go to his show...late. He is upset...understood. I am a little tipsy...needed it. I ask him to dance...innocent. He denies me.....fucker. I walk away...only to find him staring at some white skinny girl....he continues to stare...as if his eyes is glued on her ever so gorgeous breasts and long legs. And then..all hell breaks loose...I approach him...curse up a storm..nudge him in the head. And then walk away......almost. I promise you..it was the liquor that gave me the permission....to walk back to the girl and push her.
So now that everyone has calmed down, yelled at each other, pretended to make up....and after I have repeated this storyto my friends over and over again...i'm still sitting here...at my job...embarassed cause his friends think that im mentally crazy...and..hurt...cause as much as he denies it...I saw him staring.

Now if we analyze this from a perspective of many relationships..there are other way worse positions that couples could find themselves in. I, however, already know...the potential future for a young couple...and this may be the main reason why I am uptight about see my boyfriend stare at other girls...cause after the staring stage begins....then I know what the next level is....straight up cheating.

The other part that is difficult is facing my own esteem and how I view myself. Quite possibly it could be that I need to get stronger...I need to find my place as a beautiful woman in this world...I need more security.....from myself.

I haven't quite yet figured out how I am going to handle this situation. I could possibly just try to forget it. But...i'd rather not. In situations like these, I find that taking something out of it..is the best way to make the situation become better than it seems. Right now, its seeming like this shoulder needs a little her time. Where she is not comforting her boyfriend..not trying to make all her friends happy...but trying to live..trying to get on her feet...trying to work it all out for herself. And as I make this plan for myself...and strive to let it form within this month...I am still faced with the insecurities that my boyfriend will hurt me.....I don't know how to get it out of my mind. I'm so scared of getting hurt..and I'm more scared of losing him.

But you know what they say....when you are that scared...it means its time to face your fears.
So this last month, the last month before one year....I challenge myself to step away from the boyfriend...give him .....no give me....my time...and if I lose him....it will hurt. But I will be finally growing up..and facing the biggest fear that I have today...so be it. Let it begin.