"The Trying Times"

This week in the Trying Times we take a look at the trying times that friends could bring.

I'm grateful..Simply grateful. As much as it seems like I might be pulling myself..deep into a hole..because i'm trying to survive in the big city...

I thank God everyday..cause i'm still being blessed. Just landed myself a job interview at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I'm more than motivated to land that second job...I need it! I just laid down a deposit on a new apartment and i'm OH SO HAPPY TO HAVE A HOME...its too bad that I can't afford the second deposit right now..but i'm not going to stress over it anymore. I found myself on the train..unable to relax, unable to even take a regular subway nap..due to the constant buzzing in my brain over how i'm going to come up with an extra $600 for our deposit..when I still have other bills to pay, and I have to eat. Furthermore, my check this friday may just be grazing $400...how will it work out? I have no idea...but i'm done trying to kill myself over it. Its going to be alright...I hope! So this is the stressful life of NYC huh? When all i've got is a couple of dollars in my pocket to pay bills, eat, and travel to work. Even so, I look at the last couple of months and I'll say that I've come a long way. I've worked hard to figure things out..and although they aren't perfect, although i'm not doing theater right now, although my weight is at its worst right now, and although i'm so broke I hold on tightly to the pennies in my purse...I still feel like i'm on my way towards the kind of life that I've always dreamed. Focusing heavily on what I don't have...will not allow me to celebrate the fact that I do have another job possibility, and that I do have a roof over my head, and I do have a family that truly cares for me and will put out...Through it all..I'm still blessed.

though, what is probing me is the anguishing relationship that I am holding with my "best" friend and now to be roommate. Again, sitting on the train I was disturbed from my nap just feeling anngry. I don't understand her attitude towards me at all. And I have always been the person to admit that I am wrong. I have been the person to try to get people to feel better and to try to consolidate our relationship. I have done wrong things...but who hasn't? And how many people can say that they've outwardly admitted it and apologized? And even so, what i've done is not some outlandish thing like....sleeping with her boyfriend or stealing money. I would like to say that although i'm struggling...no one can say that I haven't been a good friend. But ya'll...THIS girl has got me thinking that I should just not give a shit about friends anymore.

I'm still trying to figure out what I did wrong..but I guess time will tell.