Letting it Go...

I'm trying my best to make moves..move on...move ahead...move away.

But things just don't seem to be right at the moment. I'm finding that i'm holding on. There is a lot of work that needs to be done...on MYSELF.

At this moment. I feel despair...but I am hoping for something better really soon.

It has been a full 2 months of drama...of which God has come to put his hand down and call it an end....He is telling me to Let it go.

And its hard. But I decided that I will just try small steps. Getting up everyday. Looking at my ceiling...making the decision to do something...and do it.

I decided to take away that facebook account. It is causing more and more hurt and pain than helping at all.

And I'm still working that Patience Goal.

Pray..

Catching Up...

So its been a minute since i've posted. Looking at where I was just two weeks ago, really allows me to put real things into perspective. Patience is key!! Today..I feel okay. And thats way better than where I was coming from..losing a boyfriend, losing a job, losing friends. Today I am trying to find the beauty in just the company of myself. I realize that I can call the actions...I can allow myself the ability to either choose if I want to trigger this emotion and hang out with this girl, I can choose if I want to face the consequence of talking to my ex, I realize that I can choose to be content with myself...watch a movie ...read a book...go for a walk...and enjoy Me.

Don't get me wrong. Times are still hard and rough. Rough and hard...like a mothaf* but patience allows me to just take it one day at a time. Just move on right along..away from that time where I felt like I was two seconds from a jar of percosets.

I've been trying to figure out what my next move is...with everything. With my living space..I know I gotta stay here..i DON'T want to get kicked out and live on the streets...so finding a decent job is important to me.
But finding a job that will allow me to focus on a career is important as well. Yesterday, I went on an interview for a serving position. Its funny...cause I USED to think that I didnt want any job, I didn't want to win any audition...or anything like that unless they felt like I was absolutely qualified. THESE DAYS, I think very differently. These days its..."just give me a chance"..."let me prove to you"...or..."who do I know that can help put in a good word"? All of which are things that I have put at the top of my list when looking for a job in NYC. Forgive me, but I do not understand how the hell there are miillions of business in this city...and I cannot find one thing to suit me!!! Jeeez louise!

OCTOBER RESOLUTIONS

So. today is october 1st! Whoa..time is going isn't it?
I'm thinking about all the things going on in life..and i'm feeling more and more a general feeling of needing more patience. Formyself..of course.

I feel like i'm always wanting to rush things. Maybe because now that i'm a product of the millenium...I expect things to come to me fast and quickly...and efficiently.

But some of the things that i'm dying to have happen to me...they don't work under the rules of the millenium. They require real time ...time to heal, time to develop, time to grow, and time to live.

So for the month of October, I am trying to put myself on the road of patience. I'm trying to make that my key goal as I continue on in this godforsaken city! lol.