Boyfriend Blues...

I guess I keep asking myself how many times am I going to cry?

How many times am I going to be upset that I can't even function?

How many times am I going to think about letting go?

What do you do when you're in love with someone so much..it hurts to function? I think that possibly my love is so powerful for this guy..that it may be even impossible for me to be a real person. You know? Every move he makes...just makes me upset. And its not because I hate him, but more ..i think because i don't want to lose him. So the question lies if you love someone that much...do you press on and try to make it work?...with the possibility that you'll be fighting even more? How many times are we going to fight and I am going to say that i'll get over it...or i'll keep hoping things will get better?

Most recently I have realized my jealousy and anger to take on a level on its own. Knowing that this guy has multiple exes...of whom he is friends with all...it has been hard to deal with. He claims that they are "sisters" to him. But really? do U think thats true? lol.

Sometimes I just wonder if my insecurities are just way too low to be in a relationship. But its just the thought of losing him that hurts. U know? I just don't want to lose whom I think is the love of my life. But then with all that is happening...I wonder if I am capable of having a relationship with whom i think is the love of my life. He says that i'm pushing him away. Because i'm so upset and the way i approach him is disrespectful. I guess I can understand that. This was my issue with jq..my first love. He was always coming at me with things to the point that i just didn't want to talk to him anymore. I dn't want my love to feel that way. But, i can't help being upset when i see that he wants to "link" up with his ex-girlfriend. Not even just that, but the person who took his virginity. It just makes me ball-up angry inside. But..actually just talking about it..and writing about it allows me to let go of some of the heat. He says to get angry at what is important at getting angry at...i guess that would be cheating right? Yea. true.

I guess i'll try again. Trying to write first before exploding on the world. Writing is my therapy ain't it? Until next time.