I'm Bringing SEXY BACK...


So, its been a minute since I vomited my ideas and thoughts, and pure complaints onto my favorite online diary. So many things happening and so many things going on .... somethings would leave me stressed out.. completely un-end, but I've got to thank God for bringing BG in my life, for he is the only one who keeps me from losing it all. I'm afraid that he might be an actual distraction from my harsh reality, but for now... we'll just thank God for our new found happiness and deal with that evolving ish on another night. lol.

So lets talk about sex BABY. Lets talk about how I can officially define myself as sexually active. How crazy is that? Just six months ago... Never would I think that I would be experiencing the....ahem...joy of sex that I have been. Lets Talk about Sex... Its crazy. I mean.. I guess I can get a little open with it..after all this is my diary... anywayz...soooo lets talk about sex and how it can allow you to let yourself go in the most unexpected way. How it can almost allow you to find some different parts of yourself that you never knew existed. Now i'm not just talking about the groans and moans and the....utters of screams at times.... though these times are included as well, but i'm just talking about the openness. I mean, I honestly am a different person when I have sex. No longer do I care how big my belly is bulging out, or how thick my thighs are...or anything... in fact, every part of my body becomes the most sexy part that I have ever had. I love sex because it has allowed me to see myself..and say.. "hey..what I have is good." Lets talk about sex... because too often it is talked about on the hush hush amongst families. And then when it is brought up in society.. it is used and abused, it is scrutinized, and it is no longer seen as the gift from God....And what a freakin gift it is! Lets talk about sex...and how much I love getting it in all different ways and how i'm not afraid to admit it. Not because i'm a hoe, but because I deserve to get it when I want it and how I want it. And...I happen to want it in every way possible. Lets talk about sex and how it can be so exciting when you are absolutely sharing it with someone special....

I never thought... I never saw me... as the person who would get stuck on anyone. And I mean.. stuck. I've always liked to think of myself as... independent. Don't need men...cause they don't do me no good. But..shit.. if its not the sex thats turning me out.. its just the plain and simple genuine company that I'm getting from my new found boyfriend. I've been with him for such a short time, but already I am experiencing the way that I've always dreamed that I would be treated if I was in a relationship. He honestly treats me well...not because he follows any rules in the fucking Rule Book of Relationship Conduct. But because he really cares for me, every move he makes seems to be of my best interest. And I mean how great is that? I find myself still building those obstacle walls....so worried about how this relationship is going to end...But i'm going to fight myself from this. I just want to enjoy it NOW. And worry about tomorrow when it gets here. I'm just so in awe about how things are going... Its just...well.. too good to be true. We are friends first you see....his company is enough. And the sex..is just the bonus addition! I always thought that my first love, JQ was the only one who seemed to care and love me the way that I deserved. But i'm finding in this relationship that there are other ways to go about this. And I'm slowly learning about what I want in a relationship and what I don't. I'm finding that I can call the shots. And get what I want... and within the same way....I'm giving as well. Its funny cause I've always thought of myself as independent without a guy in my life.. but when I'm with BG, I've found even more independence. How crazy is that? With such little short time to have..I've been afraid to say it. But, now I know for sure that I am in love. I don't know what kind of love it is.. but its gotta be love.

Its even funnier how..my late night sex talk has changed into another love entry....welllll...Thats how it should be anyway. Sex and Love.... together again. Night night.