I am Mad....


And can't really do shit about it. So anyways, since I can't find anyone at freakin 9 in the morning to talk to... I've gotta turn to my good ol' blogger buddy for this one. So I spent like..maybe six hours on the phone with BG last night. Ridiculous I know, but..thats just how much I missed him..lol. Anyways, you know how when you talk on the phone for hours, and there'll be like a few moments of nothingness, and then there will be like long moments of conversation or debate. Well during our ...maybe 3rd time of debate... we started talking about his past life and how he was..blah blah blah... basically he was a cold-ass nigga who didn't care much about women except fucking them. And then he had the cocky ass nerve to say.. that if he had met me just a few months earlier... it wouldn't have been much of a relationship... more like a fucking session and then it would be over. Now you know I was pissed...and I said some shit like "that wouldn't be possible... you wouldn't have gotten any sex from me." And I wish I could explain why.. but...

Here's the deal.. this is where the situation gets REAL JJJJUicy...listen close blogger... This boy met me a year ago last August and discovered that I was a virgin. And then when we started chillin again this summer... he automatically assumed that I was STILL a virgin. His fault! Never did he ask me if I had hooked up with anyone. And I never really felt like it was necessary to offer him that information. Now..if you see that as wrong.. I don't really care cause shit...Im not walking around just spitting out my ish to anyone. So.. he didn't ask...and so he never knew that I had already had sex before this summer.

So the bitch thinks that he took my virginity. And he's on the other side of the phone laughing saying how easy it would be for him to mack to be and get the pum pum...and then drop it. And he was saying shit like... "Hey, what if I just came out right now and said that all of this was a game, the whole relationship was a game..and now that I've got what I wanted... I am gonna drop you right now?" Can you guess...how I was at that moment? FLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!
And I was surely about to spill the beans.. but I decided to just get a little stern and just say... "You think you would've gotten the best of me... but you know little."

Now, I'm still mad at the conversation. But to be honest the whole idea of it is already dropped. But I'm just heated that this boy would come out of his face and say some shit like that to me. I'm lucky that I did already have sex with someone else..and part of me is happy that I decided to do that before fucking with BG. I'm a New Yorker.. I know how the game is played. What if I was a fucking virgin? Then that conversation would have had me in fucking tears.. nah mean? Thats why we NY girls keep shit straight. Thats why I made sure that I shared my first time with someone who I know would never do shit like that to me. And I can hold onto my own dignity and pride knowing that BG could never get the best of me in this situation. As cold-hearted as this may seem....I am beginning to fall in love with BG... but if he EVER pulled that shit....I would have to knock his balls out of the park by letting him know that he didn't take nothing from me....and he never could. I don't like to play fucking games... but if it came down to it.. THATS HOW MY FUCKING GAME IS PLAYYED.

But to get out of my random anger spout, I hate carrying around this secret from him. I don't know how to tell him. And I don't know if I should. And I don't know if I want to. If he wants to automatically assume this...then.. what the hell am I to do?

I don't know...So i'm mad for the moment... but it wont last long cause I really do fucking like the fucking boy a lot. Just keeping it real you know?

enough for now.