Late Night...Amusement.

So this is funny. Atleast for me it is. Just a few hours I was ready to sit and let out some serious single-female aggression. I had my lil Kim Lyrics ready to motivate me through an entry that blew this guy through the wall...and eventually it would allow me to get over him by creating this imaginary image that I am the strongest shit on the planet..and he couldn't hurt me...not even a little bit.

So this is the funny part...at 3:00am. He called and changed my fucking entry.

This is how I know that we have a decent possibility of working out well together. Cause dude calls me and says.."Well you know we both don't like labels, but I was seriously thinking of how me and you could be exclusive..together..you know that bf and gf shit. I mean, if you don't want the label, its cool..cause thats how I see how we are now..but I mean its up to you."

And I say " Well I was never really good at long distant relationships. But..I'm just laying out my weaknesses on the table..Besides that..I'M GAME."

"Really? Okay cool." he says over the phone.

"Cool." I say with a grin. "Now when can we become the next Bonnie and Clyde and rob a bank or something..cause i'm broke as hell."

Yes. I love the part how we were "Exclusive" within 4 minutes. "I'm Game." Were the two words that put me at a new level..A familiar level that is over 7 years old...But a new level altogether as well.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I thought.."God, you're really spoiling me right now." And then I was ao excited, and feeling weird..like the whole queasy butterflies part, and then quite vulnerable to the fact that he knew how much I wanted him...cause I said yes. And then, I felt happy to know that I was allowed to be angry. "Ownership" is the wrong term over him. But its the closest that I can find to explain my reasons for being able to be angry if he doesn't call or if he is talking to some other chick. I'm allowed to be angry..cause I've got him..he's my man, (wow listen to how that sounds) and for the first time in a verrryyy long time, I can be mad, cause he's mine. lol. Its funny..the amount of emotions that run through a girl's mind when she gets asked out. I wish guys knew how much more there is other than..."I'm a happy girl cause I gotta boyfriend!" No..there is definetly more colors to the emotions than just pink happiness.

I then had this Rude Awakening...which is what truly motivated me to get up and write this entry at this moment. I realized that I would have to share myself to him. Sharing meaning....I would have to share my musiq. I was just telling my friend how its important that you have your own life when you are in a relationship. I told her how I keep my musiq theatre life out of my outside social relations..cause I would not allow any boy to know about it..and mess up the one thing that I own...the one thing that I have worked hard for...its mine mine mine....and I'm afraid that any random boy could find out about it...and sort of crush it. But, when you are in a real relationship...it can't be completely under secret. He's going to want to know what I do on a regular basis. He's going to want to hear me sing..He's going to want to see me perform! Oh shit.....I don't even know if I am capable of handling it.

I have dedicated my sweat and blood into my music theatre training. Whenever a boy didn't call...whenever I felt like I was out of place in a certain environment...Whenever people outrightly insulted me...I knew that I had something very special about me..that They could never break. And thats how it is now. But now, I've got to share some of it. Cause I imagine that he will be interested...

I guess i'm not going to completely freak out on my first moments of my non-singleness...lol(wow i can't believe it). I'll allow a few more dayz before I freak out anymore. But I guess I just wanted a head start on some of the serious issues that I will have to deal with mentally and emotionally.

But..for the moment. I'm just going to enjoy it. Wow. Shit.

I'm not single? I'm not single. I'm not fucking single..! lol.

But I AM fucking crazy huh? lol

night