I HATE PEOPLE..

Sometimes I just have to sit and look at the people who live in my life and I find that I am surrouded by inconsiderate, indecent, selfish people. I have come to the conclusion that whenever I am dealt with a petty problem..I must immediately remind myself how much I hate people. Lets just back up a bit...

You know, when I was younger...bout 5/6 years ago, and I had my last boyfriend...yes...seriously 5 or 6 years ago. Back then, I had to face a lot of high school drama issues. I really wasn't apart of the whole dating scene either, and having a boyfriend was a new thing. On a regular day, I was used to attending school, doing my music, and then going home and doing homework. But with a boyfriend came a new change in routine. I now had an obligation to meet up with someone after school. It was crucial that in the morning, I had to spend an extra 15 to 20 minutes on beauty preparation in the morning. I had to always sit with him at lunch...you know the usual. It was different, but not hard to adjust. The difficulty came with the baggage that he brought with him. My regular day of schoolwork and music, also ended up with fresh drama.....High school drama....every single day. Going to school became like an ongoing war. Shoot, I could even call it my own WWIII. Every day I battled with my boyfriends ex-girlfriends, who seemed to think of me as a piece of shit. I battled the group of girls that hadn't gotten to him yet...they seemed to like to share to everyone how much they thought of me as a piece of shit. And, on top of that...his "boys" were regulars with insulting every inch of me....they made it their business to treat me like a piece of shit. So, with such great help...I literally became a piece of shit. Im not sure wat bothers me most...I have still not come to terms with wat is worst...Was it having all of these people on my boyfriend's side push so much hurt and hate on me.....Orr, was it just the fact that none of my friends...none of my "people" ever treated him in such a way. In fact, he was...treated like a king...from everyone. I don't know...it is probably a little bit of both that completely ticked me off. But in any case, I'm still so upset that this first boyfriend became my reference to all relationships. I'm so mad that I did not have any good memories of dealing with highschool relationships.

Wat does push my buttons even more is the fact that even today...6 years later...on my second boyfriend, I am falling back into the trap of highschool drama. All of my friends...adore him. None of his....even give a shit about me. They simply complain about the time that is taken away from their..."hang-out sessions", his "girl" friends find ways in which to hang out with him alone....and get him into God knows wat kind of things. And they treat me like.....wat? Yes, a piece of shit. And...so on this day. Out of this meak...and new relationship....I have truly discovered my hate for people in general. Out of these relationships...I see how people are incredibly selfish. I can't begin to fathom how people don't know how to be happy for one another. Instead of congratulating someone on finding someone they like...they bitch and moan...because they do not see any sort of profit for themselves. They are at a loss...and because of this..they want to make your life a living hell. Then there is the other group of people who are into your business...they are happy for you because your private business becomes a daily "tune-in" soap opera for them. Instead of helping you...they just enjoy the ride...and are even willing to give you bad advice so that their current series does not have a quick and early finale. Its just sad, and I'm jus fed up with these people. (which currently.....even include my own bestfriends). I feel like its me against them. All of the time. No one understands my point of view.....but wat hurts is that no one seems to care to understand. I just feel like I'm surrounded by people who just don't give a shit about me. They don't. The sad thing is that maybe they think they do...give a shit. Maybe they think that we are good friends...maybe they call me because they miss my company...but most likely..they are just blinded by the fact that they miss sucking the life out of me.

They need me...in order to make their lives interesting. And this is the ultimate reason why I hate people. They are selfish to the point that they will suck the life out of you....in order to entertain themselves, in order to make some sort of profit, in order to see you suffer as they do, basically to make themselves feel better about their own situation...by fucking up urs.
Well i'm through with fucking with people. I'm through with falling into these high school dramatic games. I'm through with allowing people to affect me the way that they do. For the past few months..the wall has slowly been deteriorating. But starting now....I'm going to build that shit up. No more, not for me. No more.