hurting....

I am so distraught... i hope thats the right words.
Soooo whats going on? I'm 20 years old, Black/african american music major. I've been with music my whole life...and nothing else..and no one else.

And i'm finding that I am so unhappy. All this time, i've been claiming how music is the only thing to keep me sane...but i'm struggling right now. I feel like with all of my responsibilities, that I'm being pulled in all directions. I can't hold on to me anymore. And my family?....Its still holding on, but its really hard to keep them with me. And my friends?..oh God! They are quickly fading....quickly. It hurts. Well I is getting this great deal. She's becoming a model. Got the baddest pictures to prove it....I used to be able to connect with her, because we both had low-esteem, not too great skin, but morals to build a brick wall...but now she's changing. And I know that she is changing for the better..she's gaining more confidence..she's getting more beautiful because of it...but she's leaving me. She's finding new people..she's just totally different. And for me.. I just feel hurt, cause she's not taking me for the ride.

And then T, who has this boyfriend..whom she is on and off about actually liking him, but is all about having sex with him. She talks about him..all the time, and she simply asks me to do everything for her..and it kills me.

And then there's H, who seemed to be interested in being cool with me, but instead it seemed as though she had a better person whom she cared about...and our friendship just suffered because of it.

Listen, I don't want my friends to turn back into who they were before. I know that they are happy...I just wish that they would have taken me with them..u know?

So i'm just here by myself. And i'm so scared for this year, cause I really feel by myself this time. I don't know what to do. I'm slowly losing my motivation to keep going....What keeps me going today is catching up to my friends...and that shit is obviously not working.

So what is it that I have? Musiq? I've always said that music was my love, my life. And it is...but its also gradually becoming my hiding spot. I just hide right behind it, and try to forget about all the things that are really striking me down.

I'm so lost...