Recover Me...Higgs

Unfortunately, I am obsessed with everyone else but myself. Even though this is supposed to be where I can be a little more specific with my problems, I am going to call the subject "Higgs" instead of by her real name. So, for some reason I can't seem to get this Higgs off my shoulder. She's like a flying gnat that wont go away. I guess, i'm so used to just deleting people out of my life, and its so easy to just walk away from them. But, I have to see Higgs everyday and its not cool. I think it may have something to do with my own jealous streak. I don't know. I must sound real random.

Higgs is similar to me in many ways. Yes, this is true. But as I have said before, I can't deal with her because I can't trust her. She seems to say one thing and think the other. She claims to want to be close to me as a friend, but I can remember way back when, when she did things that didn't seem very friendly. Like when we went to S's house for his departure, and she ignored me, begging me to take pictures of her with everyone else. I'll never forget the day when she was trying to be close to me and we were going through her album...and she was like "i don't know why i don't have pictures of me and you." ha. you do?

I think in all cases, Higgs is still young and mature. And the main reason that I am so obsessed with this situation is because I really needed someone to be there for me. Someone in the flesh. I needed someone to really seem like they care, and to stick by their word. I've seen her do it to her other closer friends, but she has yet to really show me that side of her. And I just feel lost. Cause I let my trust go i her, and i feel like Higgs just let me down. She just ripped it into shreds. So, in order for me to cleanse myself of such obsessions, of such hurt, I think it would be good for me to use this post to list all of the things that I really can't stand about Higgs. So ...ha.. I promise you that this will be updated often. This is not going to be a bitch session. But maybe if I can point out the things that I can't stand, then I can acknowledge them. Then I can learn when or when I should not try to fight. I can learn what ticks me off. And then I can be sane again. Lets try this.

OOOOoooo, before I start this let me just get this out of the way...Being Christian and all, its going to weigh in my mind that I am pointing out faults, and not pointing out my faults... I want to clear this for myself... that this is not to point the finger at Higgs, but to show to myself what ticks me off.... trust me... I know that I can trust myself..that I'm willing to point out my own faults...

Things I hate about Higgs...
1. She screams at her parents, she even curses at them.
2. She writes these passive aggressive emails, and then apologizing for not meaning to sound that way.
3. She plans to dedicate herself to things, like meetings, events, and then backs out of them.
4. Every conversation is a possible threat to her...and is sometimes...nothing about her
5. She as a Greek woman, is holding Black men.. as the ALL SAY in her situations (Its okay. I can speak about Black people..cause i'm Black too....)
6. She speaks as though she knows everything, and is right about everything
7. She is quick to get emotional.
8. She uses her tears as weapons.
9. She considers herself when aiding other people. Its not about you...its about them.
10. She is defensive towards people she sees as beneath her, but will not fight up against people that she sees as higher than her. ..Like her Black Male friends. (No one is higher than you but God.)

Okay... thats enough bitching for me right now. Until next time...