....pitiful

Men..blah ...blah... blah..bleh...bleahhhh

They suck. You wanna know why? Cause there aren't much of them left, and they are pulling themselves into their own deterioration.
Sometimes, I just wonder how much longer until they are all gone. And then the world will be full of flaming bitches, pulling out hair, scratching, biting and converting to lesbanism. Not a cool sight huh?

Nah, not cool at all.

I don't know. I think i'm just bitter. Yeah, I said it. Bitter like the lemon juice that trickles down the back of your funkyass throat! lol. A bitter black woman.You want to know why i'm bitter? Shit I'd love to share with you! Maybe its because of the fact that I say "Luv u" to girls all freakin' day long. Maybe its because I just can't get a word in amongst the well-prepared, well-manicured vixens who stay waiting for a guy that they can take over. Maybe its because I'm mad that I'm stuck. Stuck with myself...and my bitterness..lol. (ha..i sound ridiculous)

I'm mad that I have to take beatings from past guys who'll never let go of my heart, but who'll break it when they please.

I can't believe this is me speaking. Lil' ol happy me has grown into a short, erupting mess. I'm tired of crying, and complaining, and shit i'm just tired of being lonely. I'm tired of making excuses, i'm tired of leaving myself to be run-over by everyone and their moms.

I'm tired of letting my past continue to control my life.....

My biggest fear isn't being broke. I'm not afraid of being a musician. I'm not afraid of speaking my mind....

I'm afraid of settling...

And yet, it seems like its the only thing i've been doing...all my life. I feel like i've been putting people first before me, and its just not in my nature to do for me. You know? I guess maybe because I always felt like I had it good. I had two parents, I had a home, I even had a freakin dog...!...I mean how much better can it get right? And so I let myself up to those who I felt were less fortunate. And I offer myself....and I give myself. And it makes me wonder if I had gone back, and done for me...would i be as bitter? If I hadn't let people run over me, If I had spoken my mind...would I have stayed with jq even? I mean why in the hell do I still like him anyways...when all our relationship ever was was me trying to be something I wasn't. People telling me what I should do to make him happy. People telling me how "white" I am... how "too smart"..how "too proper"....Did I ever tell you that people are full of shit? Huh? ha! I bet you knew already....well this bitch just found out...

Fortunate..yeah...

so fucking fortunate...

so fucking pitiful if u ask me.