Brushing Out the Fog

Hello, New Year. Welcome to Newer numbers, newer months, new beginnings, new resolutions, and new ways to come back to the same problems.

I'm tired of my own bullshit. Yeh, that's it. I'm ready to do it differently this year. To take out the fog, so that I can see my destination on the other side. What is my destination u say....pure happiness.. is what the typical answer would be. But obviously, that is almost unaccessible. So what am I looking for? Pure Passion. I'm looking for a newer me, who walks with a different light, who knows what she wants, who loves her family and friends and fully devoted to those who she trusts, who is not afraid of ignorant people, and who is ready to stand for what she wants, despite her 5'2 frame.

I think that it is obvious that I get into these one year problems, where I am always running into that one person, who makes things kinda difficult. And I look back, and I look for patterns, but the people keep changing. And its still me who is getting fed up, who is losing battles, and who is slowly deteriorating, becoming a final product of Westminster's tradition, ignorance and deceit. It is me, who is the common denomication, the common factor, the same.

So the first question goes to figure out, what is it that I'm doing wrong? What am I missing? And at this point, I haven't figured it out. I see that people like Stephanie and Helen, only control me, in a way of which I am obsessed with their distrust. I can't deal with them. They make me feel like I have to constantly watch my back, and I've become their own puppet. The funny thing is, this may not be th case with them. What I'm seeing more and more is that I can't solve it. Cause I'm the one who is creating the fog. I'm the one who is getting in my own way.

I'm not sure what the solution is, but I'm beginning to find that the problem is me.