"I just want you close....Where you can stay forever..."

I just want everything to be alright. But i don't know if it will.
This is what they mean.....this is what so many have gone through....my first taste of the bitter plate that life serves..

"My heart is hurting......"

There are so many things that are coming down on me right now. And I feel like little ol' me...5'1 frame...with little power to spare cannot push through this right now. I'm living alone. Without any soul right now. No one to sleep next to me. No ones shoulder that i can even go to cry on. Just my small room...my "home" full of strangers literally. Living in the big city is not what its cut out to be....I feel like I have no control over the future of my career. My control has left me...to stay behind the institution walls were it stays to fool and betray those to come before me. I've always been progressive...using "school" to help me move forward. But what happens when you're out? And you've been used to a certain way of life? And now you are out in the real world. Nobody taught me how to find a place to live in my math classes. No one taught me how to find a job in any science class. There was no offered class of "Life Sucks and How to Deal". Nope.

You are just taught to dream and aspire. They fill your mind with the possibilities of what you could be. But they fail to tell you how to get there..and how to manage the pain and struggle that comes with it.

...But I guess you can't blame them really......... its not up to them to teach you this. Every single one of us has to learn this on our own. As we enter into the world blind folded, with injury...we must prevail. We must get through. Because.......there isn't any other solution? Right?

You can't quit....

You can't just leave....

........

I miss my mom. I miss my dad....and I miss seeing my mom and dad together.

I miss my bed...and I miss a roof...and I miss having safety...and I miss living at "HOME".

I miss my auntie Mufeedah....SHE was so strong and she wanted me to do well.

I miss knowing and going after what I wanted despite what other people said or made me feel.

I miss "knowing" I am strong.

I miss being in the arms of love and company.

And I miss BJI. I miss you baby.

What am I going to do? I'm soo ALONE. AND ALL HOPE IS GONE.