Another Twist...with a Lemoned beat

Who ever said that I was the lucky one...was very mistaken.

For the past two weeks, i have managed to experience a myriad of emotions and feelings. Its amazing..how I am still somewhat mentally healthy...or maybe i'm not..and all this time i thought it was something else. So um.. lets begin..

Lets start with some personal business. Lets start with the fact that less than two weeks ago, i was a 20 year old virgin. (Thank God not 40 year-old, as i have dreaded for a long time.) Yes ladies and gents, i finally lost it. I came to terms the day after that I didn't regret it..as much as i should have. It was with someone who was...important to me..although we weren't together. And it wasn't a planned or forced ordeal. It just happened. Biggest problem with this lies for the fact that I am talking to someone else of whom I am deeply interested in. So..the day after, i began to feel the utmost guilt that I had sex with someone else other than him. Halfway through that day, i came to terms with it. I can't take it back. And well..the person that I lost it to, was my first love, someone whom i entrusted myself with, and the person who i'm talking to, well...we are no where near the relationship mark. So to get through my day...i allowed it to past. To look beyond it.

And then the next day came....
And i discovered that my first love, my first kiss, my first sexual partner was actually with someone else at the same time that he was sweet talkin me the weekend before. And at this point...i just felt crushed. I felt dumb, i felt like a hoe, and i felt like every other dopey girl who gives up her shit to some sweet lovin' boy.

Yeup. drama is my game these days ya'll. So, how am i supposed to feel about the entire situation? I don't kno. I don't even know what is right, i just know that i'm regretting every single choice to do what i did. And after waiting beyond all of my friends... i thought that this was the one decision that would be right..no regrets...and yet still!!!...it was not.

to be continued. ..