Rejuvenation...And thats my final Answer...

During this summer, I attended a wonderful music theater workshop in which i had intense music theater training from some of the best known theatre artists of the day. Now, that i look back on it, i sort of wish that i had applied myself even more.. there was no question of the passion, but merely the atmosphere and the competition..its something that always seems to draw me back in. Well anyways, at the end of the month-long intensive.. i had a consultation with the entire faculty. They told me what they thought was good..and of course..they spent a lot of time on what was wrong... that wasn't anything that made me slip ..really. Things that are wrong can only be fixed through training...experience..and lots more time...something that i don't have now..but hopefully will in the future...

What bothered me most was one of the questions that they made me answer. One of them asked...what is it that makes me want to be apart of music theater. Now.. this teacher had said before how... if you want to be a theatre artist...there should be no doubt in your head that you want to do this profession. So with this statement of his in my mind.. i tried to answer the question in a manner to show that i could do nothing else than theater..........YUCK. i became a kiss-ass. And my answer ended up being a complete catastrophe. It was nothing that you would expect me to say...and to be honest.. it was probably obvious that i was out to impress..than be honest. If i had any moment to take back...it would be that moment. Not necessarily because i made a fool of myself...but because i didn't not tell the truth. Because my love for theater was made a spectacle of...not by anyone else but myself. I do love theater...and i just wish i could have been able to express it.

Today... i have found my perfect answer. It came to me while being inspired by our new choir director at the college. Its such a simple answer..but it takes a long way to explain...

The difference between me and most of my colleagues is that most of them had an innate passion for the theater and musicals..they were born with the songs..they grew up knowing the shows...and their background on the topic is absolutely thickened more than mine. I have a love for the theater and the only innate thing that i have in my background is my desire to communicate.

I have realized my destiny to be a small and petite person. Some would say that i'm loud and crazy...but for the most part..I come in a small package..with a laid back quality that is only at a high volume during the mere moments of anger. I have always felt that i should be behind the shadows. In the back. My whole life....I have always thought that i just was below average...I DREAMED...often that i was more than that...often i dreamed that i was capable of being THE BEST. But my dreams were only dreams...they were only something in my head... that i accepted would be left in my head. And reality has hit me this way. BUT, this is how i have found theater. When i began theater... i had realized that i found MY way to communicate. In all of its glory....I found ways in which to touch people....but even more ...express myself. When i'm on the stage...all of my worries and cares about being too ugly..too fat..too dumb...too short...all of it...gets STOMPED on. When i'm on stage..i get to live through the words and music of characters who KNOW who they are...and aren't afraid to express it in anyway. And from these characters...i continue to learn how to be stronger on stage..and through performing...but even more ...in my own life. THIS is why i love the theater. It is what keeps me going.


And often. I doubt if it is real..and doubt if I can make it... but I just know I love it, and I'm in for the long haul.......