The Single Girl's Guide to Livin'...Intro

Soooo lets just start from the beginning. Before I give you my own ideas on how to approach a relationship..i think it would be best to let you in on how I started on this merry ride to single loving and living...

I went to high school in the city..nyc. So that included me taking the train every morning to school. It was on the damn E train that I realized the qualities that I needed in order to build myself up to be a successful single woman. I remember sitting on the train watching these guys talk to this girl. She was pretty..a typical nyc teenager..dressed and dripped in the hottest gear..with a banging ass weave..lol. As soon as she got off..the guys were right on a new girl.

I went home that night and took a good look in the mirror. Well, first I watched about an hour of musiq videos...but then.. I took a look in the mirror. I had no money for any flashy clothing. So my clothes were jeans and t-shirts..thats it. My hair..long, but not a weave. And my body....? no where near. Now you see, I think i had always had instilled within me a self-conscious view that said that I was not pretty. But it was in these crucial years of high school that I began to truly believe it.

After those days of discovery, I devided that I couldn't take it. I couldn't sit and watch these cute guys..talk to girl after girl. It didn't even matter to me that they were switchin up girls after every stop. What mattered the most was that I was never chosen. From then on, whenever I got on a train where there were cute guys... i decided to change cars so that I wouldn't disappoint myself. I went through my high school years alone. Completely alone. And I wasn't really a "geek" or a tv-show "nerd". I was still myself, wrapped up in musiq everyday after school. But walking around with this self-hatred feeling. I went to prom alone..without anyone. And I had never had a bf ..at all. Now most would sit and mope. And to be honest, I did then, and I still do now when I think of myself.

I realized at an early age, that I was just plain different. Just...different. And nobody appreciated it..including myself. And I went through this phase in which nothing was really important to me..not even combing my hair..not even brushing my teeth. And to this day..these qualities still haunt me. Now that I'm in New Jersey, I can't change cars anymore..but..I do find myself doing similar things in which I just avoid the situation completely..in order to defend myself. Defend my feelings. I had a counseling session this past semester because I felt like I was at the edge. And I shared with the counselor about the way I handle boys..and her question was.."What is the worst thing that could happen if you did get rejected from a boy?" And I couldn't figure out the words then. I just knew that the result would be unbearable. ..I think now.. my answer might be because I am afraid of proving myself right..that i'm not womanly, that i'm not feminine, that i'm not beautiful..and there's nothing I can do about it!

My first advice to women comes from my initial experiences growing up in this generation. The backbone to a single life..is pure strength. Physical strength is important, but mental and emotional strength is the key to keep yourself ahead..and focused. Please...don't judge me for my words...i hope you'll be able to understand where i'm coming from..and just give things a try..you will never know.

until next time...