c'mon! not yet over the hill...!

Why is it that I look in the mirror everyday and find that I am overweight, overstressed, overtired, and overused? I'm freakin 21 not 40! And even at 40, i'd like to think of myself as a vibrant middle aged lady who's gonna get hers in every second that is left of her life. I've come to the realization today that I'm unhappy. Not clinically depressed, or sick or any of that shit. I'm just unhappy. With all of the responsibilities, that I put on myself, I have lost my youth. And i'm freaking 21! I'm so uptight, so moody and man can I bring you down! Since when did I become this, and why doesn't anyone ever tell me? Why is it that I have to go through a damn panic attack, and lose my hair and myself, before I can realize what is happening to me?

LOL. i am finding it amusing. Just three years ago, i had energy. Yeh I got sad sometimes, I got angry sometimes, shit even short-tempered, I even got jealous, but I also got happy, I got sexy, I got ambitious. It all worked well together. And I just don't know where the balance went off. But in any case, this summer.. i'm willing to sit here, and write and ponder..lol. And analyze..and go to the gym, and read, and enjoy , and become happier. It's ridiculous that I feel so overwhelmed at my age. It's ridiculous that I feel that I can't participate in the youth, in the sex, and the fun and shit. I'm not dead yet...so what the hell is going on?