Mad AT the World...My Morning Rant...

So where do I start?
I'm pissed at everyone today.
Lets start withhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I hate being a theater major that has to limit herself to what she has to do, simply because of the color of my skin. This is my problem with dealing with people who've been in the business for so long and do not understand the importance of people being people and not characteristics or stereotypes. Its like i'm non-existent in that class, like i'm not supposed to be there or something and that shit just makes me fire. Sometimes, i think its just me. Maybe its my paranoid mind...but then this bitch yells out some shit about being the "Black Girl" and shit and then I realize that it is all that he sees me as. And because of this, i'm very nervous about HIM messing up my chances...because basically in the end I feel very short changed.

Being Black is ALWAYS an issue. And I just wish that I could change it. But because I simply can't. What the hell am I supposed to do?


Furthermore, I am pissed at the group of men that inhabit this world today. They get away with so much.....but now that I think of it, I guess its always been that way. Men are able to get away with so much shit. I guess i'm just not the type of girl to jus sit back and say..."Well thats Life." Well thats the world! And there's nothing I can do about it." I'm more of a person who takes action....but there is no way to do that with this issue.
Why do men cheat? Why can't they stop? And if they do, why can't there be some blazing signal of flashing lights and twirling winds to alarm the girl that he's with? Its just AB-solutely not cool for me to be sitting home thinking about how my guy could be cheating and shit.
Well, don't jump to conclusions. No one knows for sure, but this boy has been so distant. Its like he doesn't want to talk to me at all. And I have no idea what I did. Before I continue on with being reasonable and saying how he is just going through something, and he probably just needs some space....BEFORE I GET REASONABLE...i'll be a girl first , and simply say that i'm afraid of this getting out of hand. To the point that he doesn't really want to talk to me at all. And this week, becomes more weeks, which then becomes no more of us. And I'm definetly afraid of that. And I don't know what to do. I tried pushing myself on him.....possibly seeing that the way that he is acting is downright mean...that he is very obvious that he's hurting me....BUT this boy just seems to not care at all. He's just like whatever....and so that means that I have to sit back and wait for him to feel better? And then what? You think he's going to call me back two weeks later and say "I'm sorry baby, I was just going through alot." Bullshit, he'll probably just act like nothings wrong. All of this blogging is just making me even angrier. Instead of wanting to fix this, I just want to quit it.
I just don't understand how his mentality works. If he's going through something...the thing that he is going to go to for help is going to be his bud. Its not going to be his girlfriend. When he goes through something he wants to stay away from me, and that shit doesn't make sense. Especially because I am the one who is supposed to hold him down. Isn't that how it goes in the book? Isn't that how its supposed to be? Even if its not, thats HOW I want it to be. But this boy is oblivioius to me. I am used only when needed.

That shit pisses me off. I'm about ready to take his number and trash it for the week. My bday is coming up, and all I want to do is be happy. And if he is not going to do that for me...then fuck him.